just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
