It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
