I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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