Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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