After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't deserve a penis
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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