she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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