its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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