booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
zippers are such a cool invention
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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