If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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