just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
