i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sext me about skeletons
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
