Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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