What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
