There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize