I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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