Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
