This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
