he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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