My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
