we're blogging at a bar
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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