rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
