My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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