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We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So apparently I’m into choking now
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
