So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Less talking, more tequila
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
