based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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