Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
