how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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