We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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