That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
