You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
