Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
