I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
