Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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