Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
