I've blown a few things in my day
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
