Dual....:-)
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
