she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
