WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
