I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
