Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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