i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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