Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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