it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
