You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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