just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
