for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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