We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Randomize
