I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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