I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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