you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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