I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
