i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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