Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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