She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
