do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
