when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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