You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
