I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
