I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
