forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
