I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
