yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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