Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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