Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
