Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
