dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
