she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
