I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
