Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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