So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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