I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
