i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
