If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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